When I first became a mom it felt like I had found my purpose. Here was someone who needed me for everything. Well...after time (and more kids) it was no longer my greatest joy but instead a burden. I became so lost in my role as a mom I no longer knew who I was anymore and I found resentment settling in.
After a few months of living confused and without purpose I began a long and hard personal journey of uncovering who I was designed to be and the life I truly longed for. Through this process, I realized the toll my self-sacrifice had taken on my well-being. I hadn’t been honoring myself or my time and no one else did either.
As I uncovered the reality of the life I was living vs the life I dreamed of I knew something had to change. I knew I was created to be an amazing woman who was a mom, not just a mom who happened to be a woman.
If you are struggling with who you are outside of your roles here are four simple, yet effective steps you can take today to begin to reconnect with who you are designed to be. You can do just one or if you are really ambitious and want to get a jump start do all 4!
Journal out the woman you dream of being regardless of your circumstances. Ask yourself - Who is the woman I want to be? How does she live? What does she do? What does she embody? Within those dreams are clues to what lights you up and who you are designed to be.
Spend 10-20 minutes reacquainting yourself with what you truly enjoy. What do you like or dislike? What lights you up? What’s your favorite food, color, music, etc? What is your dream vacation? As moms and wives, we often filter our likes and dislikes through the opinions of those around us. This is the time to give yourself permission to love what you love no matter what others think.
Ask 3-5 friends and family to describe you using 5 words. I know this may feel awkward, but trust me, it’s worth it. Let them know you need honest answers because with knowledge comes power and if you want to reconnect with who you are you need to know where you’re starting. Look for any patterns or repeated words and then ask yourself if those are what you want to be known for.
Think back to your childhood. Oftentimes we will see glimpses of who we are designed to be when we look back over our younger years. What are the stories you’ve been told about the kind of kid you were? Within those stories, you can begin to piece together character traits that result in who you are today. If it helps ask yourself, “How does that fit into who I long to be today?” For example, I was always a very stubborn and ornery child, now those were not praised traits when I was a kid but, as an adult, I see how they are a glimpse into who I’m designed to be. I am someone who won’t back down, pursues her dreams and is not afraid to make her own rules.
As you begin to uncover the pieces of you are designed to compile the information it into affirmations you can use every day. Using the example from #4 above I could say, “I am full of conviction and won’t let bumps along the way slow me down.” or “I am forging my own path and creating a life that supports my dreams.” As you reinforce what you now know to be true about yourself you will start to see a change in your actions and beliefs. You are starting to bloom as the woman you are designed to be (who just so happens to be a kick-ass mama!)